In an instant, my vagina felt like the sexual equivalent of a winning pinball machine, all flashing lights and dingdingdingsdingdings. But nobody's talking about chicks doing it with two guys, except to call it "the devil's threesome" or the like. I want to tell you a story, about a simpler time, when alcohol was for drinking and my vagina was free and untamed by monogamy. No more than a few minutes after we began, Dude 1 freaked out about being in close proximity to his buddy's boner and the whole thing ground to a halt, leaving me with a mean case of blue pink? Actually, let's go ahead and call homophobia too, since it's presumed that MMF threesomes involve only straight dudes who high-five in Eiffel Tower formation over the chick they're double-teaming, whereas the two girls in a FFM threesome are generally expected to at least make out and rub each other's boobies. And yet everybody assumes all guys would love to have sex with two women. I actually had to stop masturbating to make it to the end of this 3-minute clip. I mean, all things being physically equal, how the hell do I know which one I want to have sex with? Anyway, all this got me thinking about why, in a world where the two-lady threesome is held up as the epitome of male accomplishment, are more women not talking about doing it with two dudes? Cute boy's cute friend arrived and also began flirting with me. Fully half of those links are from women's sites telling you how to find a girl to threesome your husband with. But an obsession was born, and I went on to make the two-guy thing happen on multiple occasions and it was always completely amazing. To be honest, I prefer that both of the men in my threesome be straight, but that's because I am an attention vampire. I usually just think about something fucked up I once did on loop, but on this day I decided to visit a fine purveyor of pornography for a little visual aid to my self-love session. The genital math is off.