While most women may wish for an emotional connection before having a physical connection, for men sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability. These terms are all rather modern when compared with the number of years that homo sapiens have been mating, without labels, with one another. At the end of the day however, the general consensus is that more harm than good comes from limiting one another through labels as restrictive as 'gay' and 'straight. You know, just a quick beej to help a bud out. Some of the most common pornographic fantasies, like female nurses and the mommy-daughter duos, fetishize care-taking explicitly. That can feel threatening," explains Reynolds. In the safety of his car in a busy parking lot, I sat with one man who asked to be known only as John because he is a self-identifying straight man who has oral sex with other men. I found this to be the saddest element of my study: Located just inside the anus, it is easy to infer why a man would enjoy anal sex, or at the very least, would enjoy contact in that area. For men, sex is a hunger. For him, the fear of being rejected by his community is also what keeps him quiet about his sexual liaisons. He often concocts and fantasizes about how to make it better for her, begging for information about her erotic desires, just so he can improve as a lover. That said, men might write one thing in an ad and feel an altogether separate thing psychologically. It might sound like the makings of a gay porn scene, but a recent study from Tony Silva , a researcher at the University of Oregon, suggests it happens in the real world, too.